The Suffering Within Us at Work
let’s catch up!
In our last LinkedIn article, we shared our intention to investigate the impact of “suffering at work” and develop an understanding of how to alleviate it. To do this, we decided to explore three unique, but overlapping, dimensions of suffering that people encounter in the workplace – the suffering within people, the suffering between people, and the suffering happening around people. These dimensions are called out in our hypothesis, and we intend to reveal the nuances of each one individually in order to fully grasp the whole picture.
Here is our hypothesis:
“There are systems of suffering – around us, between us, and within us – that have a significant impact on the performance of people at work. Once these systems of suffering are identified, they can be understood and alleviated.”
Over the past few months, we have listened to people’s stories, conducted exhaustive literature reviews, and connected with specialists who help people suffering at work. We became more curious as key findings started to emerge from neuroscience, best-selling books, scientific studies, and even ancient wisdom traditions. These broad sources of insight produced fascinating truths and surprising connections, held together by a few common threads for understanding the human experience in the workplace.
After months of research, we can now observe and document not just examples of suffering, but the primary sources of suffering that entangle employees at work.
In this article, we will zoom in on the dimension of suffering that seems most foundational to our understanding of this topic overall. It is the source code and the lowest common denominator, if you will: The Suffering Within Us.
looking within us
On average, human beings spend one-third of their lifetime at work which makes it core to our experience of life itself. The workplace is a prime laboratory for us to notice and practice being who we want to be – the way we react to problems, build relationships, navigate change, face challenges, and make decisions are all shaped by our experiences at work.
Work is also where we try on new skills, approaches, and behaviors in our attempt to become more effective and successful in our interactions with others. Sometimes things don’t go as planned and we experience failure, reveal our shortcomings, and struggle to deliver results. This makes the workplace a ripe environment for experiencing our limitations and natural (or reactive) tendencies when faced with difficult situations.
But how do people end up in a state of suffering at work? What leads them to experience it? As it turns out, a great deal of suffering originates from within us. In fact, we have learned that while there is plenty of dysfunction happening around people and between people at work, the cause of suffering is often internally, not externally, generated.
Suffering is not happening to people, it is happening because we are people. Suffering is the natural human response to an undesirable circumstance, real or imagined.
Using this broad working definition, it is easy to see that every one of us has experienced suffering at some point in our life and work. We are experiencing suffering within ourselves when we feel stressed out, powerless, threatened, or embarrassed at work. These emotions cause us to operate in a state of self-protection, where we are habitually reacting to the environment around us in order to keep ourselves safe. Becoming aware of our tendencies when we are in this state allows people to consider alternative ways of responding.
to suffer is human
Let’s go a little deeper into the definition of suffering. Through our research, we have learned more about what it is, and what it is not:
In short, we have learned that suffering is not reserved for unbearable moments of agony. It is more often described as a "hook" we experience within ourselves on an ongoing basis. It involves feeling a sense of physical and emotional tension - in our head, heart, chest, or stomach - and it varies in its intensity from person to person and circumstance to circumstance.
With this growing clarity about what it means to suffer, we had a real “AH-HA!” moment as a team! We realized that our approach to coaching leaders was already grounded in revealing their sources of suffering. Our coaches had already been trained to ask specific questions and use assessments that help people become aware of their attachments and tendencies. We were also experienced in helping people challenge their tendencies in order to develop new ways of responding. But we didn't have this language before, and having it made our work feel even more purposeful and compassionate.
The following is an example of how coaching might reveal a "suffering story" that helps a person shift their perspective, and response, at work.
looking at the heart of suffering
Let's say you were recently passed over for a promotion at work. When interacting with the individual who got the job you wanted, you frequently felt bitterness, anger, rejection, and unworthiness. You had been preparing for a long time to be considered for that role and now you feel undervalued by your company. These feelings make you reactive – you become guarded and defensive in your interactions, and you are hardly contributing in meetings. This behavior is unusual for you, and it is severely straining your relationships with coworkers. And it is straining you too.
Now, let's say you speak to a coach or colleague who helps you realize how much of your personal identity is attached to your professional accomplishments. That could be a real turning point for you! By confronting your beliefs and stories, and debunking your fear of unworthiness, you would be able to respond differently. You still have a valuable skillset, even if wasn’t valued for the promotion.
In this situation, moving closer to the source of what was really happening within a human being provides a new perspective that challenged a story they were telling themselves. Sometimes people don’t know what they are stuck in. They can’t see it, but they can feel it. That's the shift. Once they see what it is, they can move forward quickly with less fear. The story just needs to be sorted for truth.
As you reflect on the scenario above, you can see how easy it is to get stuck and how deeply it could impact someone's performance at work. The reaction is understandable. If suffering is a natural human response to an undesirable circumstance, real or imagined, then being passed over for a job opportunity when you have worked hard to earn it causes suffering. Believing you are no longer valuable, as a person or as an employee, causes suffering. Diminishing your contributions to protect your ego causes suffering.
Why should companies care about this? Because no one says, "You know when I do my best work? When I am suffering." In fact, we assert that when someone is in an elevated state of suffering, they cannot be in an elevated state of performance.
As we look above the tree line and widen our gaze, it is clear that multiple circumstances can weave themselves together to generate even deeper, and deeper suffering within a person. If you are currently suffering at work, know that you are not alone - this is a shared and deeply human experience.
the four truths
We would like to bring forward four emerging truths, validated through our research, that begin to explain the sources of Suffering Within Us more accurately & vividly:
1. Where There is Suffering, There is a Story
Spoken or silent, hidden or obvious, stories originate between "stimulus" and "response." It is the way our brains make sense of our experience and keep us comfortable.
2. We Feed on the Story We Need
Who we think we are is a product of stories which either support us or sabotage us. Leaders are especially called to examine their stories and patterns. With practice, we can begin to reveal and rewrite our stories, but we can only do so once we know they exist.
3. Attachment Produces Suffering
The mind can become easily ensnared in a trap that freezes our perspective. Our attachment to believing “how things must be” results in us getting hooked (or stuck) as human beings. These hooks create internal tension and deny us from seeing the wider playing field of possibilities.
4. There is a Connection Between Our Suffering and Our Conditioning
Seeing your mind as a complex machine that is operating, with unique programming and patterns, is both overwhelming and liberating. Once we begin to develop compassion for our conditioning, we can begin to embrace new ways of being.
what's next?
There is so much to expand on here that we have decided to release a series of articles about the The Suffering Within Us to make it more digestible. But these consolidated points provide a strong read on what we are learning and where we are headed. These Four Truths point to the core components of a human being's complex internal operating system.
You may be asking yourself: If people are destined to suffer every time they experience adverse conditions in their work or life, than what’s the point of studying it?" Fortunately, we are beginning to learn that though suffering is inevitable, it can also be alleviated. We are fascinated and encouraged by the scientific backing and true accounts of those who have put these strategies into regular practice. What’s more, these alleviations seem to interplay with one another. More on that later...
We hope you are as fascinated and intrigued by what’s coming up in this discovery as we are. And there is much more we want to share! If you want our discoveries dropped into your inbox once a month, be sure to sign up for our newsletter.
If you haven’t already, make sure you are also connected to us on Facebook, Instagram (new for us!), and here on LinkedIn. It’s our goal to put forward meaningful content that helps you see, learn about, and lessen your own tendencies of suffering at work.
Here are four easy ways to get connected
Subscribe to our newsletter “Leading the People Side.” Receive monthly insights summarized & delivered right to your inbox.
Grab a seat and listen to our podcast The Leadership Living Room. The theme of Season 2 will be: Investigating Suffering @ Work.
Recommend a thought-leader on this topic. If you think Season 2 of Leadership Living Room is the perfect platform for you or someone in your network, we would love to connect.
Tune into The People Side, on LinkedIn: join our live discussions, read relevant articles, and learn alongside of us!
About the Authors
"Hi - I'm Jenna Willingham, and I am the ringleader for this investigation into "Suffering" at The People Side. It is both a challenge and a joy to bring this important, complex and taboo topic to your inbox. I know every working person stands to gain valuable insights by knowing how and why suffering crops up in the workplace, and what we can do about it. It's time we had these insights in our corner. Thanks for being here for all the learning that's to come."
"Hi - I'm Candyce Penteado, the Founder & Managing Partner of The People Side. It is the mission of our organization to alleviate human suffering in the workplace. Working in partnership with a team of extraordinary talent, we are delivering on this mission and practicing deeply human development. We hope you enjoy learning alongside of us! "