The Difference Between Doing Well and and Being Well.

As I think about this month’s Leadership Gamechanger of “Wellbeing,” I am struck by the limitless solutions available to us in the pursuit of wellness. Options range from diet and exercise programs to practices of mindfulness, medicine, beauty, and gratitude. There are abundant recommendations and advice about the “path to wellbeing” if you are interested in the journey. In fact, a quick search for “Wellbeing” on Amazon reaped 75 pages of books on the topic! According to the Global Wellness Institute, the wellness industry is a booming $4.27 trillion dollar market, outpacing the growth of the global economy (source).

But as this industry continues to grow and expand, what I’m not hearing from my coaching clients (or myself) is that we have it all figured out or have achieved “wellbeing” yet. This seems incongruent—if there are so many strategies focused on it, why do so many people feel that their wellbeing is not attainable or sustainable?

When YOU hear the term “wellbeing” or “wellness,” what is your reaction to it? Do you feel energized and optimistic or do you notice something different, something that smells like guilt? If you do, you are not alone. As I’ve worked with clients, I have observed there is an anxiousness that sets in when this topic comes up. When they mention that they want to improve their wellbeing they begin to sink into a cycle of disappointment, embarrassment, and even shame about what they haven’t done—meaning at some point they had an aspiration to “do well” but life got in the way and they fell short. Instead of feeling energized and excited about their pursuit of health, my clients described themselves as feeling defeated and frustrated, which by the way, does not help them feel “well” at all.

Through these conversations, I quickly noticed that many wellbeing intentions are focused on people “doing things” in order to feel well. It was always about adding something to their list and their ability to “do it” or “not do it” meant success or failure. I started to wonder about where our own sense of self was at in this process? Could it be that we are trying to apply solutions that are ready made for the masses before really understanding what “being well” means to us as an individual?

“There is nothing so terrible as activity without insight.”

This quote by Johanne Wolfgang von Goethe’s came to mind for me as I considered this question. This very brief sentence seemed to sum up what I was observing in our society’s approach wellbeing…and the terrible “frustration” we feel is real. To all of our defenses, we have full lives and many responsibilities. Being able to take something off the shelf seems like an efficient approach! But each individual needs to assess whether or not an approach works for them. If your internal assessment says it doesn’t, what is another possibility? How can we gain the necessary insights to inform a personalized approach to action?

I suggest starting where you are right now by giving yourself the space to reflect on a few simple, but powerful questions: 

• What does wellbeing mean to me?

• When was the last time I felt “well”? What was I doing that contributed to that?

• What am I already doing that I can maximize to support my wellbeing?

• What could I move toward in support of my wellbeing?

• What could I let go of to support my wellbeing?

• Why is this important to me?

• What will I do now?

You might notice that these questions are spacious and open ended. They are waiting for YOUR unique responses and allow for valuable insights to emerge. As I work one-on-one with clients, I notice their energy increases as they explore these questions and reflect. As they begin to identify what will move them toward their own version of wellbeing, I sense they are actually having some fun—and not feeling defeated! What they say is that they never thought about their wellbeing as being something so customized and simple…not creating lists of “have to dos” but practical daily actions that increase their own sense of joy, connectedness, and fulfillment.

Some of my clients notice that while their definition of wellbeing remains the same, what it means to enable their wellbeing may shift. My client Sandy*, who has been going through a significant career change, shared that giving herself time to think and “be” every day was really key for her. This appeared in different forms such as resting, reflecting, or intentional movement. She said, “It’s really just going with how I feel each day.” She described this Be Time as “sustaining my soul.” Sometimes life gets too busy, so she just lets this time go and moves onto the next day. I found this last point of “letting it go” incredibly poignant. Instead of feeling shame for not doing something, it was just a fact. This mindset releases the guilt that many people feel during their wellbeing journey. Sandy doesn’t look at her journey as a win/loose game. She is not locked into a rigid format – she pays attention to how she feels, knowing that every day is different. She is supporting herself by improving her sense of wellness and overall self-awareness—and it is paying off!

Thinking about how you feel and what makes you well is not a “one and done”exercise. I encourage you to reflect at different points throughout your day and life to ensure your personalized plan is current with who you are and what you need right now.

As we wrap up this year and head into a new one, many of us will be setting resolutions and detailed intentions for leveling up—and I am sure your “wellbeing” is going to appear! Instead of creating a generic list of actions, I invite you to start the process by asking yourself a few questions and gift yourself with insights that make wellbeing personal, meaningful, and sustainable. 

*Names have been changed to protect confidentiality.